What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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