I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
