Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
