So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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