It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
