I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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