do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
