Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
