why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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