Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
