I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
