Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
