Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize