Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
