OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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