how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
