All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize