What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
