Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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