we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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