dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh god it's open bar.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
