Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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