My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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