My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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