hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
