VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
only you would photoshop your dick
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
