Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
