i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
