fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You took a bar mat shot.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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