All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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