Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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