sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
