Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is my gift to your gina
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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