i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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