were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
