I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
