No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
