You made me cry and you don't even care
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
