his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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