he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think I sprained my soul last night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize