Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
