i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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