She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
