Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
