K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
