fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
