you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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