you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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