direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
