evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
