And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
