i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
