You're so nebulous sometimes
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
