Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
