Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
