I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
