My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
