she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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