There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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