I just pynch a tree in the face
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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