I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
