I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
