sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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