Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
