For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
