I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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