Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
