I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
