Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
