I'm drive I can fine osifer
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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