Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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