you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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