I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
