How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
FUCK WHALES
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize