Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
