i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Every concussion has its silver lining
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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