Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
