I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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