would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize