She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
