I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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