Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I love you. Go after that dick
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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