dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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