That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
