that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
