oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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