chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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