That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
