I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
