I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
