Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize