What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
