You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
