Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
