That's when you crack a 10am beer
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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