remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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