My room smells like vodka and shame
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
ugly people sure do ruin things
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
