You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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