my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
