sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
